(action points Colossians 2:1-7)
STOP & CONSIDER "I want their hearts to be encouraged and joined together in love, so that they may have all the riches of assured understanding, and have the knowledge of God's mystery-Christ"(v.2)
1. What are some of the things you absolutely know about Christ?
I know Chist IS. If God is the eternal I AM, Christ IS. Yeah, I know, clever play on words. Yet it is the very truth of truths. Jesus IS. Love. Patience. Kindness. Perseverence. Hope. Faith. Truth. Light. How else can I describe with absolution what I know of Christ, if not the words themselves and all the encompass? Jesus IS the Living Word of God. He is God fully recognized and reciprocated(sp).
I was watching the film 'Wedding Crashers' last night on tv, and one of the characters said "true love is the soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another'. Jesus IS the one true love. He IS the only love that you could ever hope to love from. He IS both the point AND counterpoint, as He IS the very love we seek, and the very love we look to give, yet we can only hope to do such a thing when we submit in obedience of the simple yet profound truth that the love we have stems from the love HE gives us. I cannot love Jesus outside of accepting Jesus as HE IS, which is the one true love. All else are illusions of love, shadows and watered-down copies of what the original, the first, the last, the beginning, the end IS, and that IS love.
I know Jesus to be just and fair. I need look no further than His teachings during His encounter with the padulterous, whom the crowds wished to stone to death. Jesus, being awesomely simple as HE IS, draws a line in the sand and says let He who is without sin cast the first stone. In essence, Jesus was saying "because I know who is right, who is wrong, and who is without sin, I am the only one capable of administering justice here."
And what did He do? After the crowds heard this and realized they were all up crustycreek without a paddle, and started walking off, He presented the woman with a question, asking where her condemners were. When she said no one has condemned her, HE freed her of her sin. In their piousness of hoping to show that they knew what true authoirty was, what true justice was, Jesus, showing just how much higher a plane He thinks from than we do, demonstrated absolutel authority, justice, and righteousness in dealing with the woman.
Jesus IS the way, the truth, the life. I know that once my life on this Earth ends, I will stand next to Him/beside Him/behind Him, justified before the Lord, for the simple fact that I believe this with all my heart, soul, and being. You cannot torture me enough to disbelieve in my Lord. All pain and suffering I suffer in Him, with Him, and for Him. If the world isn't persecuting me in some way, chances are I'm not being very faithful...regardless, all things above I state with absolution-I KNOW Jesus to be these things.
2. But what are some things about Him that are still shrouded in "mystery"?
Well.....everything else. Ha! No, really, there's still so much about Him that I don't know, that I do my best not to concern myself with. Does Jesus like Coke or Pepsi? Is he a steak, fish, or pork man? Boxers, briefs, or commando? I do my best not to keep myself up at night with ponderances such as these.
However, I think the things that will still remain in mystery to us are just how extensive His giftings are, just how deep His truths are. I mean, Jesus made everything.....actually, right here is a question I present to God-I read your word, seeking to learn wisdom and understanding from your truth. Yet when I read Genesis or Exodus, I read You, Lord, as Creator. Jesus is almost an afterthought to me when I read the early books of Your History. Yet I know I am distinctly told by You that Jesus made/designed/chose everything. I understand the 'begottonness' of Jesus in relation, but this is a question that has worn itself upon my brow on more than one ocassion. . .and here I am, writing about the mysteries of Jesus.
Lord, may you guide my heart & soul to understanding those things which I could understand, and not those things that leave me grasping at empty straws. Make my faith firm, strong, rooted deep within your tree, O Lord, and let me know seek to branch out on my own, for I will surely be burned away in the chaffe. May the only reason they remain mysterious to me be due to them not having consequence upon my life, and let any reveleations be pulled back at your discretion, and not because of my own selfish reasons.
In Your name I pray, now and forever......amen
Monday, May 30, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
90 Days w/Jesus....Days 44 & 45
note-I fell behind two days so I'm catching up on these two. Entries will return to normal after this
(action points Luke 9:23-27)
1. What are some of the 'daily' things in your life that need to be denied-over and over again-if you're going to be able to follow Christ.
Depression, Doubt, Drugs, Pornography. I could say anger, but Christ says it's okay to be angry (from what I've understood), but it's not okay to let that anger be taken out on someone. In essence, the moment I get pissed at someone because of my bad day, I've stolen their expectation of trust in me, and stealing is a sin. My depression, I don't even truly think I have depression anymore, I just used to suffer from a massive case of LWS, better known as "Life Without Jesus", and as such, was always feeling down, dumpy, grumpy, and lumpy. So I suppose I should reframe my statement and say depression isn't as much a factor anymore, as is doubt. Doubt simply keeps me still, while the sand behind me gives way even though I know where it is I should be leaping to, I stand still (thanks to the Gap and Michea for that, well, and God too :-). I need to deny the fact that I have doubts about Christ or God. It's us we have doubts about. It's ourselves whom we believe will be the letdown. We anticipate it's not going to happen, so we've already lost the battle, and then we look to blame the one single entity that was there to guide us if only we took their hand.
The drugs and or pornography are perhaps the most prevalent in my life, if for nothing other than they were two of the longest-tenured and readily-tangible, physical acts I could partake in. Take your drugs, run away, let the world become a haze. Forget about everything else that's going on, I'm the only one alive. Sure I can recognize there's others out there, but my high is of my utmost concern because I'm all I care about. I had no intention of writing that last statement, so I think it's a revelation from the Holy Spirit that I was able to write such a thing. Drugs are no longer for me, but the allure of knowing what they do, how they do it, and how well they work with me, those are things I have to deny. They're nothing more than cheap, empty parlor tricks, designed to make me think my life is complete only when I have them, designed to make me ignore the very thing God gives freely, which is ironically the very thing I would take the drugs for-a sense and feeling of worth, loveable worth, to someone, something.
With porn.....well, porn is a little different. Porn gave a way for me (and for many men I suspect) to say to themselves "wait a minute. Why go out and work for sex, when I can just sit in the privacy of my own home, and find all the depraved things I've only dreamed or thought about to have websites where I can enjoy myself?" For those of you who don't know, I've had a fetish for female feet and all things nylon/stockings/pantyhose, ever since early, early, did I say EARLY, childhood? And yet, as a teenager and young man, the world came up with the internet, a place where people could go and post pictures of themselves partaking in all kinds of lustful acts. So it became a question for many men, I'm sure myself included, of if I can find everything I want right here, right now, why do I need a girlfriend? Why invest in love? We're only looking for sex anyway.
But there was a problem, as there tends to be when we think with our human brain. We become animals. We crave something. We get a taste for it. And then when its gone we want more of it. Like the drugs and their high, we consume for it. We start thinking differently. We start acting differently. Soon, our days, our incomes, our nights are planned out to where we can maximize our secrets, getting everything we hope to out of the experience. And the experience isn't even over, the last puff of smoke isn't exhaled, the last wipe of semen isn't even off the tip yet, and here we are, already craving it again. Wishing to be stuck in a perpetual state of bliss, sweet, ignorant bliss. What we don't seem to realize is we already are stuck in a perpetual state, only, we're spiraling downward with each pass.
A friend once told me that you can't just stick a porn blocker on your computer or delete your drug dealer's number and expect that to be it, leaving you all free and clear. They said that you have to make the conscious act of submitting to the Lord, of realizing your ways are so far below his ways, that what you crave and what He desires for you almost always tend to be different. This is truth 101 here. God didn't make you or me so we could be heroin junkies. He didn't make us so we could be whores and fuck anything that breathed. Yet, somehow, it's in those lowest of places that people seem to think they are truly alive, and that at those points, that's the only place where you'll ever actually find them to be happy.
Nearly half of my life on Earth had drugs AND pornography involved in it. I got hooked at an early teen age. And yet for all my drugs, for all the images, for all the highs, all the pleasures, I can't say any of those things did a single thing to make my life a better one. Now, here I am sitting talking about my life in Christ, and sure, those stumbles and falls may have ultimately been stepping stones to get to the point of finding Salvation in the Lord, by no means were they justified nor acceptable behavior to my life, and I sometimes wonder how radically altered my life would be had I never fallen as deep, or had Christ saved me years ago. But those wonders are nothing more than folly. God had Christ bring me back to Him at the precise point He was ready, and my testimony only serves as greater evidence that there is the one true Living God, whose only Begotton Son is my Lord & Savior, who loved me enough to die for me, so that I may share in the same love with Him & His Father.
2. Why does He require such "daily" obedience? What would be different about Christianity if all we were asked to do was "set it and forget it"?
Oddly enough, once you're set with God, everything in your life up to that point is forgotten, and you are made a new creation in Christ Jesus. But that's God we're talking about here, not man.
Why daily obedience? You ever been so pumped for something you can taste it, and then 2 hours after it happened, it's almost as if it's a distant memory, or a dream, something that didn't really take place? Well how would you feel if you just sort of forgot about your sins, about the wrong way to do things? I know how I feel when I go through periods of not praying. I feel detached, as if a vital part of myself, some inner part of my being that is a part of me yet wholly independent of me, I feel as if the connection isn't as strong, as if something is lacking.
The human mind, and humanity, is only able to think in this moment. By the time you finish reading this sentence, the moment is gone and a new one is here. We cannot afford to sit idly by and just sort of walk away from our sin, not addressing it, ignoring it, letting it be there, but giving it no creedence. It's similar to what I mentioned above, in buying the porn blocker, or deleting the number. You haven't solved the problem. All you did was take away a route to a means to an end. The end is still there inside you. If you never bother addressing it, never bother looking at it to realize it has no place in you, it will just sit there, perhaps lying dormant, perhaps growing, perhaps shrinking. Either way about it, moving forward in Christ will prove immensely difficult if you choose to ignore the alarms in your head about the fires that need to be snuffed out.......
Day 45
(action points Luke 9:28-36)
1. Why would Jesus choose a mountain as the ideal spot for Him to reveal His glory to His closest friends?
Perhaps b/c mountains were considered peaks to the Lord, being higher up than flatland, being the imposing sizes that they were. My full name, when translated, roughly means 'Honoring God by taking the high road". As God is Highest of all, it would seem appropriate that when He reveals Himself, it be at a place of majesty, a place overlooking all the lands. I'm not saying we need the gold and jewel-encrusted cup of the Last Crusade here, though there would be no issue with that as God's throne is made of all the most beautiful gold and jewels.
I'm simply saying, think about what hiking a mountain entrails. You have to be prepared to climb it. Sure, it's walking, but it's walking at an angle. Walking at angles means theres some pain involved. But the pain is actually a precursor to pleasure, because not only will your muscles, your body, your mind become stronger as you walk, along the path you begin to be able to appreciate the things you may not have noticed in your earlier days of hiking, when the pain was so pressing, or when you weren't in the best shape. Do you know what it's like to stand at the top of a high mountain, overlooking valleys and clouds? It's a feeling as if the world is an illusion, that truth, real truth, is up there somewhere. That if you stare long enough into the vastness of the horizons, you'll find every answer you ever needed up there.
Make note of scripture saying the Disciples were sleepy, but when they became awake, they saw the glory. This is almost similar to arriving to Las Vegas or Disneyland, or waking up Christmas morning. You're groggy, tired, maybe not even in the most chipper of moods. And then, when moment is finally there, you're as alert as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. All your senses seem to be open to fullest capacity, sights, sounds, sensations, they all ring ring ring in your head, as if your memories are taking some mental inventory of every single event that's happening.
Now, with all that being said, doesn't it make sense that the Son of God would reveal Himself on a mountain top????
2. At what points and places in your life has He made His glory known to you....in ways that were indescribably real and unforgettable?
Well, if you've read my testimony, you all know about the night I met Jesus through his understudy, Jarret. You'll also know that I saw Jesus show up in the most normal looking, simplistic-featured man the night I was saved. Ironically, when I was baptized I had no idea I would be overlooking so many people from such high a stage, a fact that seems all the more to make sense now after just talking about Jesus revealing Himself from a high point.
I can say there was a night with my friends after a rather emotional group meeting at Scott's house where it was revealed to me through my brother Bret about the empty room and canvas I kept seeing in my dreams/nightmares/visions, and how I don't need to think about that anymore (which, other than writing about now, doesn't seem to ever be in my head). I can say the night when Michea forgave me, and was the first person over to me on the floor, grasping my hands. It was the first time I think I ever truly felt what it was like to be forgiven for something, to know I had done a horrible wrong and sought to make amends, not to make myself feel better, but because it was the right thing to do.
I love you Jesus. You blow me away with all you have done for me. For me, for my friends, for my family. For every soul that's ever breathed. I sometimes wonder if I can ever truly know what price you paid. But it brings me Joy to know that you gave your life for me so that I may give my life for you.
To you be all glory, all praise, all honor. In your name I pray, now and forever. Amen
(action points Luke 9:23-27)
1. What are some of the 'daily' things in your life that need to be denied-over and over again-if you're going to be able to follow Christ.
Depression, Doubt, Drugs, Pornography. I could say anger, but Christ says it's okay to be angry (from what I've understood), but it's not okay to let that anger be taken out on someone. In essence, the moment I get pissed at someone because of my bad day, I've stolen their expectation of trust in me, and stealing is a sin. My depression, I don't even truly think I have depression anymore, I just used to suffer from a massive case of LWS, better known as "Life Without Jesus", and as such, was always feeling down, dumpy, grumpy, and lumpy. So I suppose I should reframe my statement and say depression isn't as much a factor anymore, as is doubt. Doubt simply keeps me still, while the sand behind me gives way even though I know where it is I should be leaping to, I stand still (thanks to the Gap and Michea for that, well, and God too :-). I need to deny the fact that I have doubts about Christ or God. It's us we have doubts about. It's ourselves whom we believe will be the letdown. We anticipate it's not going to happen, so we've already lost the battle, and then we look to blame the one single entity that was there to guide us if only we took their hand.
The drugs and or pornography are perhaps the most prevalent in my life, if for nothing other than they were two of the longest-tenured and readily-tangible, physical acts I could partake in. Take your drugs, run away, let the world become a haze. Forget about everything else that's going on, I'm the only one alive. Sure I can recognize there's others out there, but my high is of my utmost concern because I'm all I care about. I had no intention of writing that last statement, so I think it's a revelation from the Holy Spirit that I was able to write such a thing. Drugs are no longer for me, but the allure of knowing what they do, how they do it, and how well they work with me, those are things I have to deny. They're nothing more than cheap, empty parlor tricks, designed to make me think my life is complete only when I have them, designed to make me ignore the very thing God gives freely, which is ironically the very thing I would take the drugs for-a sense and feeling of worth, loveable worth, to someone, something.
With porn.....well, porn is a little different. Porn gave a way for me (and for many men I suspect) to say to themselves "wait a minute. Why go out and work for sex, when I can just sit in the privacy of my own home, and find all the depraved things I've only dreamed or thought about to have websites where I can enjoy myself?" For those of you who don't know, I've had a fetish for female feet and all things nylon/stockings/pantyhose, ever since early, early, did I say EARLY, childhood? And yet, as a teenager and young man, the world came up with the internet, a place where people could go and post pictures of themselves partaking in all kinds of lustful acts. So it became a question for many men, I'm sure myself included, of if I can find everything I want right here, right now, why do I need a girlfriend? Why invest in love? We're only looking for sex anyway.
But there was a problem, as there tends to be when we think with our human brain. We become animals. We crave something. We get a taste for it. And then when its gone we want more of it. Like the drugs and their high, we consume for it. We start thinking differently. We start acting differently. Soon, our days, our incomes, our nights are planned out to where we can maximize our secrets, getting everything we hope to out of the experience. And the experience isn't even over, the last puff of smoke isn't exhaled, the last wipe of semen isn't even off the tip yet, and here we are, already craving it again. Wishing to be stuck in a perpetual state of bliss, sweet, ignorant bliss. What we don't seem to realize is we already are stuck in a perpetual state, only, we're spiraling downward with each pass.
A friend once told me that you can't just stick a porn blocker on your computer or delete your drug dealer's number and expect that to be it, leaving you all free and clear. They said that you have to make the conscious act of submitting to the Lord, of realizing your ways are so far below his ways, that what you crave and what He desires for you almost always tend to be different. This is truth 101 here. God didn't make you or me so we could be heroin junkies. He didn't make us so we could be whores and fuck anything that breathed. Yet, somehow, it's in those lowest of places that people seem to think they are truly alive, and that at those points, that's the only place where you'll ever actually find them to be happy.
Nearly half of my life on Earth had drugs AND pornography involved in it. I got hooked at an early teen age. And yet for all my drugs, for all the images, for all the highs, all the pleasures, I can't say any of those things did a single thing to make my life a better one. Now, here I am sitting talking about my life in Christ, and sure, those stumbles and falls may have ultimately been stepping stones to get to the point of finding Salvation in the Lord, by no means were they justified nor acceptable behavior to my life, and I sometimes wonder how radically altered my life would be had I never fallen as deep, or had Christ saved me years ago. But those wonders are nothing more than folly. God had Christ bring me back to Him at the precise point He was ready, and my testimony only serves as greater evidence that there is the one true Living God, whose only Begotton Son is my Lord & Savior, who loved me enough to die for me, so that I may share in the same love with Him & His Father.
2. Why does He require such "daily" obedience? What would be different about Christianity if all we were asked to do was "set it and forget it"?
Oddly enough, once you're set with God, everything in your life up to that point is forgotten, and you are made a new creation in Christ Jesus. But that's God we're talking about here, not man.
Why daily obedience? You ever been so pumped for something you can taste it, and then 2 hours after it happened, it's almost as if it's a distant memory, or a dream, something that didn't really take place? Well how would you feel if you just sort of forgot about your sins, about the wrong way to do things? I know how I feel when I go through periods of not praying. I feel detached, as if a vital part of myself, some inner part of my being that is a part of me yet wholly independent of me, I feel as if the connection isn't as strong, as if something is lacking.
The human mind, and humanity, is only able to think in this moment. By the time you finish reading this sentence, the moment is gone and a new one is here. We cannot afford to sit idly by and just sort of walk away from our sin, not addressing it, ignoring it, letting it be there, but giving it no creedence. It's similar to what I mentioned above, in buying the porn blocker, or deleting the number. You haven't solved the problem. All you did was take away a route to a means to an end. The end is still there inside you. If you never bother addressing it, never bother looking at it to realize it has no place in you, it will just sit there, perhaps lying dormant, perhaps growing, perhaps shrinking. Either way about it, moving forward in Christ will prove immensely difficult if you choose to ignore the alarms in your head about the fires that need to be snuffed out.......
Day 45
(action points Luke 9:28-36)
1. Why would Jesus choose a mountain as the ideal spot for Him to reveal His glory to His closest friends?
Perhaps b/c mountains were considered peaks to the Lord, being higher up than flatland, being the imposing sizes that they were. My full name, when translated, roughly means 'Honoring God by taking the high road". As God is Highest of all, it would seem appropriate that when He reveals Himself, it be at a place of majesty, a place overlooking all the lands. I'm not saying we need the gold and jewel-encrusted cup of the Last Crusade here, though there would be no issue with that as God's throne is made of all the most beautiful gold and jewels.
I'm simply saying, think about what hiking a mountain entrails. You have to be prepared to climb it. Sure, it's walking, but it's walking at an angle. Walking at angles means theres some pain involved. But the pain is actually a precursor to pleasure, because not only will your muscles, your body, your mind become stronger as you walk, along the path you begin to be able to appreciate the things you may not have noticed in your earlier days of hiking, when the pain was so pressing, or when you weren't in the best shape. Do you know what it's like to stand at the top of a high mountain, overlooking valleys and clouds? It's a feeling as if the world is an illusion, that truth, real truth, is up there somewhere. That if you stare long enough into the vastness of the horizons, you'll find every answer you ever needed up there.
Make note of scripture saying the Disciples were sleepy, but when they became awake, they saw the glory. This is almost similar to arriving to Las Vegas or Disneyland, or waking up Christmas morning. You're groggy, tired, maybe not even in the most chipper of moods. And then, when moment is finally there, you're as alert as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. All your senses seem to be open to fullest capacity, sights, sounds, sensations, they all ring ring ring in your head, as if your memories are taking some mental inventory of every single event that's happening.
Now, with all that being said, doesn't it make sense that the Son of God would reveal Himself on a mountain top????
2. At what points and places in your life has He made His glory known to you....in ways that were indescribably real and unforgettable?
Well, if you've read my testimony, you all know about the night I met Jesus through his understudy, Jarret. You'll also know that I saw Jesus show up in the most normal looking, simplistic-featured man the night I was saved. Ironically, when I was baptized I had no idea I would be overlooking so many people from such high a stage, a fact that seems all the more to make sense now after just talking about Jesus revealing Himself from a high point.
I can say there was a night with my friends after a rather emotional group meeting at Scott's house where it was revealed to me through my brother Bret about the empty room and canvas I kept seeing in my dreams/nightmares/visions, and how I don't need to think about that anymore (which, other than writing about now, doesn't seem to ever be in my head). I can say the night when Michea forgave me, and was the first person over to me on the floor, grasping my hands. It was the first time I think I ever truly felt what it was like to be forgiven for something, to know I had done a horrible wrong and sought to make amends, not to make myself feel better, but because it was the right thing to do.
I love you Jesus. You blow me away with all you have done for me. For me, for my friends, for my family. For every soul that's ever breathed. I sometimes wonder if I can ever truly know what price you paid. But it brings me Joy to know that you gave your life for me so that I may give my life for you.
To you be all glory, all praise, all honor. In your name I pray, now and forever. Amen
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
90 Days w/Jesus....Days 42 & 43
(action points Matthew 14:19-21)
1. If you're not sensing the approval of God today, would you do some honest soul-searching to see if there's anything that's keeping your fellowship strained and distant?
I disagree with the premise of the question. It's taking the stance that I'm not doing those things already, and saying they're what I'd need to sense God's approval. I'm not saying a person shouldn't search themselves, their thoughts, their feelings, to see if something is keeping them from the Lord. I'm simply saying that it's quite well possible a person is in diligent prayer, is warm and friendly, is making their choices based out of obedience and servitude to the Lord, yet they may not feel His approval.
Come to think of it, when does anyone ever 'feel' God's approval? I mean, we feel inside when something is wrong. We know when the numbers don't add up right. We know when we're in sin, or doing something we're not supposed to. That is revealed to us all the time, with many of those times being ignored when we notice them because we don't want to 'check' ourselves and consider what it is we are doing that may be wrong. But approval? Approval from God, for me, seems to always come in a form of silence. No bells or whistles going off, no constant rubix-cubing of my problems in my head, no point of reference I stop and think about.
However, in my day today, I would say the thoughts of drugs, of laziness, even lust, to a certain degree, kept themselves in the air all day long, at various points. Thinking about wanting to do them, wanting to never have responsibilities, wanting to just wake up, eat, sleep, rinse, repeat. And those are all temporary forms of happiness, all available in their little pills mankind so feverishly makes, telling us we'll find our place, we'll find ourselves, when we partake, just this once. Shake loose, throw our inhibitions to the door, live a little. As if throwing caution to the wind and living on the edge is the only place life is. Most sinners live on the edge or beyond. Most people of faith know not to go anywhere near it. But there are some of us who think a little flirting rush with excitement is okay, and that 'just this once' won't hurt.
Think if Jesus said 'just this once'. Where would we be now?
Fucked.
That's where.
2. What would you do if you knew God was smiling on you today? How would it change everything.
What if I said I knew God smiled on me today, and continues to smile on me now? Isn't God always supposed to smile on me, to shower me with love, to show me how to live in His ways? I'm not as souled out for Christ, to coin a phrase I heard a few months back, as I should be. And yet, I know God loves me completely, that He rejoiced in Heaven and beyond when I was called back to Him.
I wish, or more accurately, pray, that on the days when I am graced with life, that I may be so willing to grace God with my life, instead of gracing it for myself. Life is a gift. A gift that is given to us, that we may give it back to He who gave. I hope that each day, each and every day of my life, builds me to the point of one day, when I wake up, I no longer have to think about if I'm doing something right, or if I'm praying enough, or if I paid enough attention to God that day. I hope and have faith that there will be a day that comes where I will do all of those things, without even thinking, knowing that every thought and action that comes from my being only does so as a biproduct of being guided by the Holy Spirit.
*journals done together for shortness of entries
Day 43
(actions points Matthew 16:13-23)
1. What are some of the things about Jesus' teaching that you sometimes find very, very difficult to swallow? How have you reacted to these things throughout your life with Him?
Well, it's not Jesus I've had the problem with; it's God. Jesus is Lord, and He submits to the will of the Father. Most of the times I have difficulty in understanding the symbolism behind things. Or the crazy reactions God has. An example would be a king who was told he'd win a great victory. He was told by a prophet that he'd wipe them out completely, y'know, kick the shit out of them. The prophet told him to strike arrows on the ground signifying his victory. So he did, and then the prophet says he didn't strike them enough times, so the enemy won't be totally defeated.
It's like, erm, exsqueeze me? What the fuck just happened here? The guy somehow disobeyed God because he didn't go apeshit on arrow striking? Speaking on war, I have issue with God wiping out entire groups of beings. Kill the men and children, along with those women who've had sex. Keep the virgins for yourselves. This tactic was showed in full utter douchebag mode during Braveheart. If you can't get them out, breed them out.
But, I am remiss. We're supposed to be talking about Jesus' teachings........and, yup, no, there's nothing with what He has said and presented that makes me go "whoa, whoa, whoa, Jesus, that's a little progressive there. You sure you're not a liberal?" No, Jesus is pretty straightforward, by the book (pun intended), no nonsense type of guy. His riddles may have sounded riddly, but if you're paying attention, they're pretty easy to understand, believe, and accept.
2. Why did Jesus choose for His way to be frequently offensive to our natural inclinations?
Um, because not choosing would be sinful, since He'd be going against God? This is another weird word question. There's nothing offensive about Jesus' way. Our natural inclinations are offensive to Jesus. BIIIIG difference.
Jesus' trust, His faith, relied in God, which is like relying in Himself, which is really using the Holy Spirit as objectus of relieousus, which, yeah, the whole 3 in 1 thing, it's hard to understand, but that's another entry sometime. Jesus' way was based on God's plan, not the plans on man, who can only see with their eyes and hear with their ears. So for even those who had been with him this whole time, who saw all his miracles performed, they still were limited by the contstraints of their 'humanity', and thus, un-equipped to handle the veracity of the claim Jesus made. They believed death was the end, for they had not been shown what lies ahead.....
His way only causes offense to those who believe they've been offended. For the believer, it would be an offense to not listen to Him.
**these entries weren't that profound, and I felt that I needed to state as much before I posted this entry. Tonight seemed more of a book assignment than a prayer/faith-related exercise. Perhaps day 43 will bring joy anew :)
1. If you're not sensing the approval of God today, would you do some honest soul-searching to see if there's anything that's keeping your fellowship strained and distant?
I disagree with the premise of the question. It's taking the stance that I'm not doing those things already, and saying they're what I'd need to sense God's approval. I'm not saying a person shouldn't search themselves, their thoughts, their feelings, to see if something is keeping them from the Lord. I'm simply saying that it's quite well possible a person is in diligent prayer, is warm and friendly, is making their choices based out of obedience and servitude to the Lord, yet they may not feel His approval.
Come to think of it, when does anyone ever 'feel' God's approval? I mean, we feel inside when something is wrong. We know when the numbers don't add up right. We know when we're in sin, or doing something we're not supposed to. That is revealed to us all the time, with many of those times being ignored when we notice them because we don't want to 'check' ourselves and consider what it is we are doing that may be wrong. But approval? Approval from God, for me, seems to always come in a form of silence. No bells or whistles going off, no constant rubix-cubing of my problems in my head, no point of reference I stop and think about.
However, in my day today, I would say the thoughts of drugs, of laziness, even lust, to a certain degree, kept themselves in the air all day long, at various points. Thinking about wanting to do them, wanting to never have responsibilities, wanting to just wake up, eat, sleep, rinse, repeat. And those are all temporary forms of happiness, all available in their little pills mankind so feverishly makes, telling us we'll find our place, we'll find ourselves, when we partake, just this once. Shake loose, throw our inhibitions to the door, live a little. As if throwing caution to the wind and living on the edge is the only place life is. Most sinners live on the edge or beyond. Most people of faith know not to go anywhere near it. But there are some of us who think a little flirting rush with excitement is okay, and that 'just this once' won't hurt.
Think if Jesus said 'just this once'. Where would we be now?
Fucked.
That's where.
2. What would you do if you knew God was smiling on you today? How would it change everything.
What if I said I knew God smiled on me today, and continues to smile on me now? Isn't God always supposed to smile on me, to shower me with love, to show me how to live in His ways? I'm not as souled out for Christ, to coin a phrase I heard a few months back, as I should be. And yet, I know God loves me completely, that He rejoiced in Heaven and beyond when I was called back to Him.
I wish, or more accurately, pray, that on the days when I am graced with life, that I may be so willing to grace God with my life, instead of gracing it for myself. Life is a gift. A gift that is given to us, that we may give it back to He who gave. I hope that each day, each and every day of my life, builds me to the point of one day, when I wake up, I no longer have to think about if I'm doing something right, or if I'm praying enough, or if I paid enough attention to God that day. I hope and have faith that there will be a day that comes where I will do all of those things, without even thinking, knowing that every thought and action that comes from my being only does so as a biproduct of being guided by the Holy Spirit.
*journals done together for shortness of entries
Day 43
(actions points Matthew 16:13-23)
1. What are some of the things about Jesus' teaching that you sometimes find very, very difficult to swallow? How have you reacted to these things throughout your life with Him?
Well, it's not Jesus I've had the problem with; it's God. Jesus is Lord, and He submits to the will of the Father. Most of the times I have difficulty in understanding the symbolism behind things. Or the crazy reactions God has. An example would be a king who was told he'd win a great victory. He was told by a prophet that he'd wipe them out completely, y'know, kick the shit out of them. The prophet told him to strike arrows on the ground signifying his victory. So he did, and then the prophet says he didn't strike them enough times, so the enemy won't be totally defeated.
It's like, erm, exsqueeze me? What the fuck just happened here? The guy somehow disobeyed God because he didn't go apeshit on arrow striking? Speaking on war, I have issue with God wiping out entire groups of beings. Kill the men and children, along with those women who've had sex. Keep the virgins for yourselves. This tactic was showed in full utter douchebag mode during Braveheart. If you can't get them out, breed them out.
But, I am remiss. We're supposed to be talking about Jesus' teachings........and, yup, no, there's nothing with what He has said and presented that makes me go "whoa, whoa, whoa, Jesus, that's a little progressive there. You sure you're not a liberal?" No, Jesus is pretty straightforward, by the book (pun intended), no nonsense type of guy. His riddles may have sounded riddly, but if you're paying attention, they're pretty easy to understand, believe, and accept.
2. Why did Jesus choose for His way to be frequently offensive to our natural inclinations?
Um, because not choosing would be sinful, since He'd be going against God? This is another weird word question. There's nothing offensive about Jesus' way. Our natural inclinations are offensive to Jesus. BIIIIG difference.
Jesus' trust, His faith, relied in God, which is like relying in Himself, which is really using the Holy Spirit as objectus of relieousus, which, yeah, the whole 3 in 1 thing, it's hard to understand, but that's another entry sometime. Jesus' way was based on God's plan, not the plans on man, who can only see with their eyes and hear with their ears. So for even those who had been with him this whole time, who saw all his miracles performed, they still were limited by the contstraints of their 'humanity', and thus, un-equipped to handle the veracity of the claim Jesus made. They believed death was the end, for they had not been shown what lies ahead.....
His way only causes offense to those who believe they've been offended. For the believer, it would be an offense to not listen to Him.
**these entries weren't that profound, and I felt that I needed to state as much before I posted this entry. Tonight seemed more of a book assignment than a prayer/faith-related exercise. Perhaps day 43 will bring joy anew :)
Monday, May 23, 2011
90 Days w/Jesus....Day 41
(action points Luke 9:10-17)
1. Whave have been some of your 'unless' responses lately- those short-sighted answers that seem to be the only way God can pull your problem out of the fire?
As most times in our lives, we tend to think of ourselves first, everyone else second, and God is there somewhere in between. He should(rightfully) be first always, but sometimes we focus on ourselves and our own ambitions or ways we perceive things. A prime example is earlier today when I was talking to a friend and mentioning how I may never truly be happy with my body unless my moobs go away. So much of my life has been deeply involved in the physical aspect of life, the physical sensation that comes with touch and human connection, and how others view you or see you. A guy with manboobs is typically seen in our society today as someone who is lazy, unattractive, out of shape, and with no chance of getting any. I know these to be lies, created by the enemy, implanted into society, making us focus on ourselves instead of the true focus, which is submission to the Lord our God and a committed trusting relationship with Jesus Christ.
This answer is currently the most accurate one I can discern, as I seem to be having trouble finding the crux of my unlesses. Perhaps I may come back to this later on. For now, moving on.......
2. When was the last time you went ahead and took an "unless" action, only to find out later, that if you'd have waited, God had another "unless" in mind?
I think perhaps it may have been when I recently quit my position at Ryan's. It was a decision that was rash and on the fly, but at the time, I didn't believe I could stay completely content unless I was no longer working there. Having another position lined up was not a priority of mine, and I paid the consequence with now being unemployed, but also have gained understanding in knowing how I went about leaving the job was wrong, and I have a responsibility to God to not let my emotions or tongue get the best of me, which they did on that day.
I'm currently not sure what God has in store for me, other than obviously more love, more hope, and giving me the things in life He wants me to have. It could be that had I stayed a little longer, I may have been able to save the next few paychecks and moved on to something better. But as it is, I'm forced to move on to the next thing in a total state of dependance on God's Grace (as we all should do. Love God, depend on His Grace), so where He takes me, or who He has me talk to, is up to Him. I can say, however, with having quit my position, I've run into a few people as of late who've informed me of job openings at places, to which I've applied for, and left it in God's hands.
*reflection
Think bigger! You choose the issue that's pressing on your heart right now- the one that seems impossible to solve or work your way out of. How different might it look if you knew your problem had a "bigger" answer, a "bigger" reason for being there?
I'm turning 31 this year and still live with my parents. I know, I know. That sounds like the prequel to the 40-year-old-virgin, the 30-year-old-teenager. It's where I am now. I've been blessed to have parents as the ones I have, who've always been willing to give me a roof over my head, food on my plate, and a bed to sleep on. But I'm feeling, or have felt for a while, that I need to move on to the next step, that I need to hit what you people out there in the otherscreenland call "adulthood". Every time I get close to moving ahead in life, I seem to sabatoge myself and allow my feelings for doing the things the enemy would like me to do, and then I get set right back to square one. It could not have been any more shining than what happened during the last few months, where I took a cleaver to all the things God had given me strength in (the ability to put my money away, the ability to work out daily, the ability to pray daily and journal daily), and made sure I set my counter right back to zero, as if I'm some perpetual child who will always need someone to take care of me.
I don't really know how to look at the "bigger" on this, other than to say I understand that all things on this planet, in this life, are temporary. The Earthly, fleshly life I've been given, will come and go. So will where I sleep, or where I live, or who I know, or what I do. What I take refuge in is knowing the "bigger" that's out there is the Holy Spirit, directed by God and guided by Jesus, and that I am in their grasp. That they won't let me fail, because He loves me too much. Jesus didn't save me just so he could kick my ass to the curb. It's when I do realize that things are temporary, and realize just how "rich" and blessed I am. A bed, possessions, music, movies, cable, the internet, books, drawing paper, exercise equipment, musical instruments, a nice neighborhood, friendly neighbors, a dog who's my boi, and parents who shower me with love.
It may be my "biggest" thing right now, but that's only because of me and no one else. Lord, I ask in the name of Jesus to have the Holy Spirit guide my life at all times, especially over these next few months. Let my focus, my determination, my goal, my reason, my beginning, my end, my day, my night, my love, my life.....let them all be for you. May my will become your will, and when it's not, may you reveal to me where I am lacking in focus, direction, obedience, and servitude to you, O Mighty God.
In your name I pray, all glory and praise be to you forever & ever. Amen
1. Whave have been some of your 'unless' responses lately- those short-sighted answers that seem to be the only way God can pull your problem out of the fire?
As most times in our lives, we tend to think of ourselves first, everyone else second, and God is there somewhere in between. He should(rightfully) be first always, but sometimes we focus on ourselves and our own ambitions or ways we perceive things. A prime example is earlier today when I was talking to a friend and mentioning how I may never truly be happy with my body unless my moobs go away. So much of my life has been deeply involved in the physical aspect of life, the physical sensation that comes with touch and human connection, and how others view you or see you. A guy with manboobs is typically seen in our society today as someone who is lazy, unattractive, out of shape, and with no chance of getting any. I know these to be lies, created by the enemy, implanted into society, making us focus on ourselves instead of the true focus, which is submission to the Lord our God and a committed trusting relationship with Jesus Christ.
This answer is currently the most accurate one I can discern, as I seem to be having trouble finding the crux of my unlesses. Perhaps I may come back to this later on. For now, moving on.......
2. When was the last time you went ahead and took an "unless" action, only to find out later, that if you'd have waited, God had another "unless" in mind?
I think perhaps it may have been when I recently quit my position at Ryan's. It was a decision that was rash and on the fly, but at the time, I didn't believe I could stay completely content unless I was no longer working there. Having another position lined up was not a priority of mine, and I paid the consequence with now being unemployed, but also have gained understanding in knowing how I went about leaving the job was wrong, and I have a responsibility to God to not let my emotions or tongue get the best of me, which they did on that day.
I'm currently not sure what God has in store for me, other than obviously more love, more hope, and giving me the things in life He wants me to have. It could be that had I stayed a little longer, I may have been able to save the next few paychecks and moved on to something better. But as it is, I'm forced to move on to the next thing in a total state of dependance on God's Grace (as we all should do. Love God, depend on His Grace), so where He takes me, or who He has me talk to, is up to Him. I can say, however, with having quit my position, I've run into a few people as of late who've informed me of job openings at places, to which I've applied for, and left it in God's hands.
*reflection
Think bigger! You choose the issue that's pressing on your heart right now- the one that seems impossible to solve or work your way out of. How different might it look if you knew your problem had a "bigger" answer, a "bigger" reason for being there?
I'm turning 31 this year and still live with my parents. I know, I know. That sounds like the prequel to the 40-year-old-virgin, the 30-year-old-teenager. It's where I am now. I've been blessed to have parents as the ones I have, who've always been willing to give me a roof over my head, food on my plate, and a bed to sleep on. But I'm feeling, or have felt for a while, that I need to move on to the next step, that I need to hit what you people out there in the otherscreenland call "adulthood". Every time I get close to moving ahead in life, I seem to sabatoge myself and allow my feelings for doing the things the enemy would like me to do, and then I get set right back to square one. It could not have been any more shining than what happened during the last few months, where I took a cleaver to all the things God had given me strength in (the ability to put my money away, the ability to work out daily, the ability to pray daily and journal daily), and made sure I set my counter right back to zero, as if I'm some perpetual child who will always need someone to take care of me.
I don't really know how to look at the "bigger" on this, other than to say I understand that all things on this planet, in this life, are temporary. The Earthly, fleshly life I've been given, will come and go. So will where I sleep, or where I live, or who I know, or what I do. What I take refuge in is knowing the "bigger" that's out there is the Holy Spirit, directed by God and guided by Jesus, and that I am in their grasp. That they won't let me fail, because He loves me too much. Jesus didn't save me just so he could kick my ass to the curb. It's when I do realize that things are temporary, and realize just how "rich" and blessed I am. A bed, possessions, music, movies, cable, the internet, books, drawing paper, exercise equipment, musical instruments, a nice neighborhood, friendly neighbors, a dog who's my boi, and parents who shower me with love.
It may be my "biggest" thing right now, but that's only because of me and no one else. Lord, I ask in the name of Jesus to have the Holy Spirit guide my life at all times, especially over these next few months. Let my focus, my determination, my goal, my reason, my beginning, my end, my day, my night, my love, my life.....let them all be for you. May my will become your will, and when it's not, may you reveal to me where I am lacking in focus, direction, obedience, and servitude to you, O Mighty God.
In your name I pray, all glory and praise be to you forever & ever. Amen
Saturday, May 21, 2011
90 Days w/Jesus....Day 40
(action points Matthew 10:5-10)
1. What are some ministires and blessings you wish you could share with others a little more freely than you do now, or at least more freely than you have in the past?
In thinking about it, I can honestly say that I wish I could share the message of Christ's love, of what He did for us, more freely. I mean, when I think of ministering and blessing, I've not been a minister yet; I haven't been in the family long enough. But I have given blessings to people. Blessings for their family, health, for their baby to be delivered, for their marriage to be honorable. Though, as I am running this through my mind, I would mostly wish I could share the message to the world that Jesus loves you. He does. He really, really does.
That was the first, and perhaps only, message I ever needed to hear from God. I knew of religion. I knew the groups, the packs, the gangs. I knew some of the basics like the Garden, the Flood, Exodus, some of the Gospels. That's about it. I about the moments in my life before I was saved, and don't believe I ever picked up the bible with any intent to be educated or to believe I could be educated from it. And all I knew about Jesus came from those whacko ultra-uber scary Christians who were hypocrits bigots and racists.
And yet, it was Jesus. It is Jesus. He's all that matters. I was told He loved me, and I believed it. Sure, I may have doubted or flat-out disbelieved many times in my past, including these times during my walk with Him. I cannot deny Him. I cannot deny the things that have taken place in my life. I cannot throw it all to random chance, some karmic balance of the universe, a bunch of stringed coincidences.
In the movie 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button', which came out just a few months before I met Christ and when I was still in my downward spiral, I saw the film, and one of the quotes that stuck with me through it was...
"I hope you live a life that you're proud of. If not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."
I wasn't proud of the life I lived. Jesus knew this, and came along and gave me the strength to start all over again. In Him. With Him. For him. Forever.
If He can do this for me, He CAN do it for you. And that's my hope, with a little faith mixed in.
2. What tends to bottle up the freedom of our generosity with others? What do we routinely stumble over in our efforts to be Christ's disciples and servants in this world?
In short: the human condition. That's what does it. It's our humanity that both ties up and frees our efforts. We doubt. We aren't good enough. We know our own dirty little secrets, and sometimes, it haunts and disgusts us equally. We don't think we can make a difference. That sure, He saved me, but He did it b/c He loved me, and He knows I was only looking to be saved.
As the passages in Matthew, Mark & Luke say, Jesus told His disciples to go forth, heal the sick, preach the good news, travel town to town, cast out demons, etc. etc. He told em pack lightly, don't take any extra provisions. Just go by the Grace of God. While reading about this these past few days, I came to wonder to myself if people in America could do that now. Granted, I understand God has the power to do anything, but it was a thought. Could you or I, give up our life for a year, or six months even, and simply travel along the road, going from city to city, preaching the good news, and looking to live off the hospitality of others? It's a scary thought. How many people may say yes, but their views of God are so skewed it's impossible to reach them? Or the family that's so devout, they actually think you aren't doing enough to be penetent to the Lord. We would convince ourselves that the generosity of people will be so few and far between that we've stopped before we've started.
We stumble so much over what other's think of us, that our paradigm shifts from aiming to please the Lord to wondering if we're pleasing our friends. Soon we become so enamored in wanting to seek the approval of others, that we've now committed the sin of idolatry to the Lord, and that is a major stumbling block in many Christians. I've seen and experienced those moments in my early days of saying "whoa, this guy's a little too hard to disciple to" or "I just can't bring myself to believe I'll be effective in helping them, so I'll keep my mouth shut instead.
I was thinking today about eyes, and how, really, there's no purpose for them, other than to see the Glory that God has given us. And yet our with our eyes, we compare, we judge, we distances ourselves, we choose. Imagine for a moment if we had never been given eyesight. Everything would change, because we no longer relied on visual anticipation, but on emotional sensation. Our thoughts, words, actions would guide us, I think, more freely, for we'd have no fear or idea of wondering what we looked like or how we were viewed by others, and would ultimately free up our ability to be more devoted to that which is I AM. (note-this last paragraph is me just musing. If you feel it adds nothing to the conversation, discard it from your memory banks......Now)
To Him be all glory, all praise, all honor. Now and forever. Amen
1. What are some ministires and blessings you wish you could share with others a little more freely than you do now, or at least more freely than you have in the past?
In thinking about it, I can honestly say that I wish I could share the message of Christ's love, of what He did for us, more freely. I mean, when I think of ministering and blessing, I've not been a minister yet; I haven't been in the family long enough. But I have given blessings to people. Blessings for their family, health, for their baby to be delivered, for their marriage to be honorable. Though, as I am running this through my mind, I would mostly wish I could share the message to the world that Jesus loves you. He does. He really, really does.
That was the first, and perhaps only, message I ever needed to hear from God. I knew of religion. I knew the groups, the packs, the gangs. I knew some of the basics like the Garden, the Flood, Exodus, some of the Gospels. That's about it. I about the moments in my life before I was saved, and don't believe I ever picked up the bible with any intent to be educated or to believe I could be educated from it. And all I knew about Jesus came from those whacko ultra-uber scary Christians who were hypocrits bigots and racists.
And yet, it was Jesus. It is Jesus. He's all that matters. I was told He loved me, and I believed it. Sure, I may have doubted or flat-out disbelieved many times in my past, including these times during my walk with Him. I cannot deny Him. I cannot deny the things that have taken place in my life. I cannot throw it all to random chance, some karmic balance of the universe, a bunch of stringed coincidences.
In the movie 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button', which came out just a few months before I met Christ and when I was still in my downward spiral, I saw the film, and one of the quotes that stuck with me through it was...
"I hope you live a life that you're proud of. If not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."
I wasn't proud of the life I lived. Jesus knew this, and came along and gave me the strength to start all over again. In Him. With Him. For him. Forever.
If He can do this for me, He CAN do it for you. And that's my hope, with a little faith mixed in.
2. What tends to bottle up the freedom of our generosity with others? What do we routinely stumble over in our efforts to be Christ's disciples and servants in this world?
In short: the human condition. That's what does it. It's our humanity that both ties up and frees our efforts. We doubt. We aren't good enough. We know our own dirty little secrets, and sometimes, it haunts and disgusts us equally. We don't think we can make a difference. That sure, He saved me, but He did it b/c He loved me, and He knows I was only looking to be saved.
As the passages in Matthew, Mark & Luke say, Jesus told His disciples to go forth, heal the sick, preach the good news, travel town to town, cast out demons, etc. etc. He told em pack lightly, don't take any extra provisions. Just go by the Grace of God. While reading about this these past few days, I came to wonder to myself if people in America could do that now. Granted, I understand God has the power to do anything, but it was a thought. Could you or I, give up our life for a year, or six months even, and simply travel along the road, going from city to city, preaching the good news, and looking to live off the hospitality of others? It's a scary thought. How many people may say yes, but their views of God are so skewed it's impossible to reach them? Or the family that's so devout, they actually think you aren't doing enough to be penetent to the Lord. We would convince ourselves that the generosity of people will be so few and far between that we've stopped before we've started.
We stumble so much over what other's think of us, that our paradigm shifts from aiming to please the Lord to wondering if we're pleasing our friends. Soon we become so enamored in wanting to seek the approval of others, that we've now committed the sin of idolatry to the Lord, and that is a major stumbling block in many Christians. I've seen and experienced those moments in my early days of saying "whoa, this guy's a little too hard to disciple to" or "I just can't bring myself to believe I'll be effective in helping them, so I'll keep my mouth shut instead.
I was thinking today about eyes, and how, really, there's no purpose for them, other than to see the Glory that God has given us. And yet our with our eyes, we compare, we judge, we distances ourselves, we choose. Imagine for a moment if we had never been given eyesight. Everything would change, because we no longer relied on visual anticipation, but on emotional sensation. Our thoughts, words, actions would guide us, I think, more freely, for we'd have no fear or idea of wondering what we looked like or how we were viewed by others, and would ultimately free up our ability to be more devoted to that which is I AM. (note-this last paragraph is me just musing. If you feel it adds nothing to the conversation, discard it from your memory banks......Now)
To Him be all glory, all praise, all honor. Now and forever. Amen
Friday, May 20, 2011
90 Days w/Jesus...Day 39
Action points Luke 9:1-6
1. What kinds of emotions do you think the disciples experienced after Christ told them what He was equipping them to do?
I wonder if the Sons of Thunder were excited inside, knowing they'd become equipped with the power of Christ. I wonder still if Peter was unsure of himself and of his own ability to use the power of God; he may have believed with all his heart the Lord equipped him, but he may not have believed in his own power to use those powers. Even more still do I wonder about Thomas. Thomas, who was so fierce in his loyalty to Christ, was he stoic? Did he see Christs' emgiftment(not a word but y'know) as recognition of the power of the Holy Spirit? And lastly, what about Judas? At this time, he was still a disciple whom Jesus loved & yet knew would betray him, but still sent him out to be a healer and spread the good word. Were there doubts in Judas' mind, even at this time, of what he would eventually do to the Lord with his kiss?
You're a disciple. You've been walking around with this guy who you're pretty sure is the Messiah. You may not think he's God, but clearly this cat has some clout. He's always told the truth, He's never been fooled or tricked, and he's performed honest-to-goodness miracles, all in the name of the Lord. Many times during these experiences with Him, there have been countless "holy shit did you see that!" moments, like the fish to the 5,000, or the leper being healed, or the demon-possessed man who'd been crazy forever, and is now sitting like a passive playful puppy at your leaders' feet. Now imagine He just called you into a meeting and says
"Linsi/Bret/Mikey/Dave-O/Fill in the name-o, I got some big news for you. Are you sitting? No of course not you just walked in. Sit down! You comfy? Good. Okay, are you ready for this??? ::does drumroll on table:: I'm giving you guys my powers! You're now large and in charge like me. Use them for good, heal the sick, and tell people about the Kingdom. Oh, and the matzah eating contest has been pushed from Friday to Thursday, due to, well, y'know....so, what do you guys think???"
Would you feel so completely and utterly overwhelmed right then? You just got the keys to the kingdom and you're told go out and do some field work. I know I'd have probably needed to change my robes out of an inate fear I may have sharted myself. And now this is just me. I wasn't in the physical presence of God (although we're always physically in His presence heh), but these guys were. How could you respond to that? Would you be happy? Would you be afraid? Would you feel as though you couldn't do it? Would you feel as though He made a mistake, and you felt the need to tell Him you're the wrong guy for the job?
I imagine, minus the sharting, that the disciples probably experienced similar feelings in this sense to the same way that Mary felt when the Angel of the Lord brought her the Good News-that to a degree, she (and they) were unworthy. Who am I to hold the Word of God? Who am I to tell of His kingdom?
We're HIS sons & daughters, who've been granted everything He did, and more, that's who. If we could swallow that as easily as it's written, imagine how different this world could be. Random but related-Jesus is said to have performed many miracles, so many in fact, that they couldn't fit into words. They had to be left out of the bible. But even Jesus tells us the things we do here will be greater than the works He did.
Now THAT'S CRAZY.
2. What have you felt Him calling you to lately? How are you responding to this? What are your biggest questions as you grapple to discren His voice and will?
Lately, well, He's been calling me to Him. Something is propelling me, pushing me, egging me on, splintering in my mind's eye, putting it inside me to do many things, like picking up my bible these past few days and reading scripture. Or speaking to my dear friends about His unending love for us. Or silently poking me and saying "Hey, Tim....that journal thing you were doing? I loved that. You were writing about me and asking questions, and I wanted you to know I'm here, reading everything you say, and am listening to everything you do. Keep writing Tim. I didn't give you the gift so you could decide to not use it. Remember, I AM. ALWAYS.
I've never heard an audible voice of God. No drill sergeant. No hippie. No whisper. God seems to speak to me in silence. I know, that's an interesting way of saying you are positively comminicated with, but it's true. I think, perhaps even right now as I write this, and nearly a year ago when I wrote about LSD, that when God makes it to where my mind goes quiet, it's Him talking. I also think I realize right now, this instant, that the devil will NEVER be silent. He's not going to try and get my attention through calming me down. He isn't God, so he can't do what God does, so instead, he does the opposite. He screams. He overpowers and overbears. He's always in your head yelling that it's okay, go ahead, no one's looking, it's just this once, who's gonna care, everyone else does it, it's not like it's a big deal, you won't die if you do it just this once.
Yet God shows up in my mind in silence. He shows up almost like a regal english royal. He cleans it all up in there, allowing me to be freed in his silence. His presence of silence is the warm blanket of love, thrown over me for protection.....
1. What kinds of emotions do you think the disciples experienced after Christ told them what He was equipping them to do?
I wonder if the Sons of Thunder were excited inside, knowing they'd become equipped with the power of Christ. I wonder still if Peter was unsure of himself and of his own ability to use the power of God; he may have believed with all his heart the Lord equipped him, but he may not have believed in his own power to use those powers. Even more still do I wonder about Thomas. Thomas, who was so fierce in his loyalty to Christ, was he stoic? Did he see Christs' emgiftment(not a word but y'know) as recognition of the power of the Holy Spirit? And lastly, what about Judas? At this time, he was still a disciple whom Jesus loved & yet knew would betray him, but still sent him out to be a healer and spread the good word. Were there doubts in Judas' mind, even at this time, of what he would eventually do to the Lord with his kiss?
You're a disciple. You've been walking around with this guy who you're pretty sure is the Messiah. You may not think he's God, but clearly this cat has some clout. He's always told the truth, He's never been fooled or tricked, and he's performed honest-to-goodness miracles, all in the name of the Lord. Many times during these experiences with Him, there have been countless "holy shit did you see that!" moments, like the fish to the 5,000, or the leper being healed, or the demon-possessed man who'd been crazy forever, and is now sitting like a passive playful puppy at your leaders' feet. Now imagine He just called you into a meeting and says
"Linsi/Bret/Mikey/Dave-O/Fill in the name-o, I got some big news for you. Are you sitting? No of course not you just walked in. Sit down! You comfy? Good. Okay, are you ready for this??? ::does drumroll on table:: I'm giving you guys my powers! You're now large and in charge like me. Use them for good, heal the sick, and tell people about the Kingdom. Oh, and the matzah eating contest has been pushed from Friday to Thursday, due to, well, y'know....so, what do you guys think???"
Would you feel so completely and utterly overwhelmed right then? You just got the keys to the kingdom and you're told go out and do some field work. I know I'd have probably needed to change my robes out of an inate fear I may have sharted myself. And now this is just me. I wasn't in the physical presence of God (although we're always physically in His presence heh), but these guys were. How could you respond to that? Would you be happy? Would you be afraid? Would you feel as though you couldn't do it? Would you feel as though He made a mistake, and you felt the need to tell Him you're the wrong guy for the job?
I imagine, minus the sharting, that the disciples probably experienced similar feelings in this sense to the same way that Mary felt when the Angel of the Lord brought her the Good News-that to a degree, she (and they) were unworthy. Who am I to hold the Word of God? Who am I to tell of His kingdom?
We're HIS sons & daughters, who've been granted everything He did, and more, that's who. If we could swallow that as easily as it's written, imagine how different this world could be. Random but related-Jesus is said to have performed many miracles, so many in fact, that they couldn't fit into words. They had to be left out of the bible. But even Jesus tells us the things we do here will be greater than the works He did.
Now THAT'S CRAZY.
2. What have you felt Him calling you to lately? How are you responding to this? What are your biggest questions as you grapple to discren His voice and will?
Lately, well, He's been calling me to Him. Something is propelling me, pushing me, egging me on, splintering in my mind's eye, putting it inside me to do many things, like picking up my bible these past few days and reading scripture. Or speaking to my dear friends about His unending love for us. Or silently poking me and saying "Hey, Tim....that journal thing you were doing? I loved that. You were writing about me and asking questions, and I wanted you to know I'm here, reading everything you say, and am listening to everything you do. Keep writing Tim. I didn't give you the gift so you could decide to not use it. Remember, I AM. ALWAYS.
I've never heard an audible voice of God. No drill sergeant. No hippie. No whisper. God seems to speak to me in silence. I know, that's an interesting way of saying you are positively comminicated with, but it's true. I think, perhaps even right now as I write this, and nearly a year ago when I wrote about LSD, that when God makes it to where my mind goes quiet, it's Him talking. I also think I realize right now, this instant, that the devil will NEVER be silent. He's not going to try and get my attention through calming me down. He isn't God, so he can't do what God does, so instead, he does the opposite. He screams. He overpowers and overbears. He's always in your head yelling that it's okay, go ahead, no one's looking, it's just this once, who's gonna care, everyone else does it, it's not like it's a big deal, you won't die if you do it just this once.
Yet God shows up in my mind in silence. He shows up almost like a regal english royal. He cleans it all up in there, allowing me to be freed in his silence. His presence of silence is the warm blanket of love, thrown over me for protection.....
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
90 Days w/Jesus....Day 38
I believe in Jesus Christ. I believe he came to Earth so that he may offer himself up as the once and forever atoning sacrifice upon God's alter, so that through his blood, all those who sought belief and truth in him would be granted everlasting life, and become justified under God, so much to the point that Jesus calls us brothers and sisters, with us all calling God our father, the eternal Abba of all.
I believe the story of the bible is the history, personality, and truth of the Lord, or, more specifically, the history, personality, and truth that the Lord wants us to become knowledgeable. We're told there are mysteries to God that are beyond comprehension, beyond my capacity to understand as I am now. I also believe the word written in the bible is the same truth, or simply another version of the same truth, that was known as the Son of God, Jesus Christ. I do, however, believe that though the bible is truth, it's truth is divinely-inspired, which, I believe, men could misrepresent....but as Jesus tells us, those with ears, let them hear. As it has become evident with all the congregations, interpretations, justifications, alterations, supplinations, the bible has seen many different versions of 'absolute' truth. But I believe through it all, consonants, vowels, syllables, syntax, God's truth REMAINS. It is there for those who truly seek.
I believe in the words of Christ. I believe that there are 11 commandments, not ten. For Jesus states the new commandment is to love your neighbor as you have loved yourself, as HE has loved me. In the truth of the ten commandments, we are told that thou shalt honor the Lord thy God, have no others before Him, keep his Sabbath holy, don't take his name in vain, honor mother and father, do not covet, do not MURDER (I consider killing to be different than murder), steal, commit adultry, or bear false witness. Other than the second commandment of God mentioning those who love him, it is not until Jesus that we're told the greatest commandment is to love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, thy strength, and thy soul, and that a SECOND commandment is to love all as Jesus loves us.
I believe the new commandments Jesus presents to us are not necessarily new, but are the commandments evolution (ironic) as Jesus rerepsents the evolution, the next step, the progression, the active, living, moving embodiment of God's love, not just God's law. If we were to be technical about it, the law has no place for love, for how can a law love? But with Jesus, as he is a being of pure light and pure love and well, pureness, because the law is of purity, it is itself, a part of Jesus. So in essence, as stated, Jesus' commandment for us to love one another as HE has loved us, this is the model of truth I pursue. The old commandments were for those who had no everlasting atonement; the new commandments being that for all those who would confess and believe in Christ..................does this mean I think the old 10 commandments, or any of Leviticus or Deuter should just get tossed aside and not studied? Of course NOT! Like Jeff Goldblum says in Jurassic Park
"You didn't earn the knowledge for yourselves, so you don't take any responsibility... for it. You stood on the shoulders of geniuses to accomplish something as fast as you could and before you even knew what you had you patented it and packaged it and slapped it on a plastic lunchbox, and now you're selling it!"
Granted, I'm not comparing dinosaurs to the bible here (calm yourselves, evangelical creationists ;-), I'm simply saying, all too often now, people wish to only focus on the Gospels of Jesus, or simply his word. But they are forgetting and neglecting the fact that as the word of God is Jesus is the Bible, so to, is the eventuality/evolution of the Lord's message, the Lord's word, for when his word wasn't enough, he SENT a LIVING word, in order that we may be healed and truth revealed. Again, does this mean I throw those old books of law to the wayside? No! Just as Passover reminds the Jewish people (and all of God's children) what happened so long ago when the Lord delivered HIS people, so to do the early books remind us of the ever-continuing expansive growth of God's love, and the ends to which He is willing to save us.
I believe we are saved by GRACE through FAITH. Nothing else. Not deeds, not works, not who we know, not the old lady we saved, not the helpful words we shared to a sobbing best friend, nothing. As a friend revealed to me in my early days of learning, the 'filthy rags' the bible refers to as our good works? The translation means menstrual rags. Go ahead, let that sink in. Good works in the eyes of good are nothing more than crusted vaginal blood on a piece of cloth. While I do believe that the Lord tells us there are many roles in his kingdom to be played, and that based on our works, it will determine our placement in his kingdom (which DOES NOT mean I believe some people get more love or less love from God in Heaven; He has roles for all of us AND infinite amounts of love to shower us all with). Do I know what our 'jobs' will be in Heaven? Heck no. Do I think that if I just do a bunch of things God says, like tithin or donating or wearing proper garments or saying the Holy Mary 7 times, do I think that these things are what saves me and gives me favor in His eye? Never. Do I think that if I do a bunch of those things because I love Him with all my heart, and believe that I am doing those things because He wants me to and I want to do them for Him? ABSOLUTELY.
Jesus Christ knew, before He ever left God's side, before existence existed, before creation was created, knew before He ever traveled to Earth, knew before He ever became a physical being, before he ever became a miraculous conception to a quiet little Nazarine girl, that one day, when he would be in his early 30's, that He would submit His life, His perfect, unshakable, wonderful life, for a young boy, some 2,000 years later, who was also partaking in a miraculous conception, so that when Timothy James Handley grew up, and ultimately saw there was no life outside of the one true well of life, Tim could submit himself to the Lord, just as Jesus did, so that he would stand blameless, as a friend, as a son, to the Almighty God, sovereign ruler above and over all, because Jesus so loved God, and God so loved Jesus, that he came so that all may find everlasting life in their belief.
I believe that these words tonight, that they were not my own, though they came from me. The Lord says worry not about what to say, for when the time comes, He'll provide us with the proper thing to say. I didn't set out to journal tonight. I didn't set out to make it to my online church service, which I've probably missed for over 3 months, ever since I walked back into drugs and lust, but here I am.
Just as last year, there I was, being revealed by the Holy Spirit the power of God....or a week later, when someone told me the wrong time by a half hour, leaving me to end up at a church where baptisms were going on.
God's got a plan for all of us....and like Neo, I'm beginning to believe....not just accept.
WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITH all that being said, onto 90 Days w/Jesus, Day 38.
Action Points-read Luke 8:42b-48
1.Describe what makes the lessons learned during long seasons of chronic difficulty unique from those that are learned in emergency situations.
I'm going to use a (hopefully) simple analogy of a young boxer, who is an up and coming prospect. He's 20-0, with a good 14 wins by K.O., and most of those knockouts coming before the 4th round. During those fights, he had some good exchanges, they were action-packed, and he even got knocked down a few times, but he still dusted himself off and won those fights.
Now though, now he's finally in line for a title shot. His only major concern, along with most commentators, critics, and experts, is the fact that this is a 12-round fight, and he's going in against the cagey veteran. A veteran who knows how to conserve his energy. A veteran who's been in these wars before, and doesn't freak out if he's touched the canvas, or been knocked down, a veteran who can lean on ya, use the ropes, all the little tricks that he's learned to make it through 12 rounds of battle.
If the young up and comer isn't careful, if he doesn't train enough, if he doesn't appreciate that all those 4 round fights he was having were in actuality preparing him for the 12 rounds, he's going to inevitibly panic when the going gets tough. When his punches no longer back his opponent up. When his timing seems to have been figured out. When he can't get out of the way of a combination that he's seen numerous times before. And so, when these things happen, he starts fighting more aggressive. Starts trying to exert more power. Forgets about patience, as patience is no longer a viture for him, since he doesn't see himself making the entire 12 rounds. So his restlessness, his youth, the simple fact of having never faced this type of situation, it can prove his downfall.
I realize I just used a sports analogy, but as I crack my fingers, I'm reminded of Paul, and his mentioning we need to run the race, focus on the prize. Don't panic if another runner is faster. Don't panic if another person's stride seems pitch-perfect. 50 people passed you right now? Whatever. Your race is being run to God. If he is your focus, nothing can alter or change or deter you from him....
2. Compare the difference between those who suffer bitterly and those who suffer well.
Okies.....it's actually quite a simple difference. When ya is all up in the Jesus, and the Holy Spirit is all up inside you, you're gonna smile at your captors. You're gonna wish your enemies a great day. You're gonna see that unknown, highly expensive phone bill and say "well, thank God I've been provided with a means to pay such a bill". Those who suffer well, suffer in unison with Christ, so, an asskicking to them is a badge of honor. If I'm beat down b/c I'm Christian, then all I can say is thanks, because I suffer with my Lord, who promises me salvation and redemption at the end of things.
One who suffers bitter suffers neverendingly. They become the dumping ground. The "why does this always happen to me?" crowd. The "will this never end," "what did I do to deserve this," "I can never get ahead." They believe they are somehow a part of the suffering. As if they are the underlying reason of their own misery, to which they believe so much, they can't see the simple truth around them-which is Jesus saying to take up his yolk, his burden is light, do not suffer needlessly. You will suffer in me, but your suffering is one part of the path to your salvation.
3. I'm giving you more room than usual, beloved, because I want you to identify your greatest need, the deepest desire of your heart. Write it down. Two or three? Write them all. Don't tell me how trivial they seem in comparison to what others are facing! Write them! Then after you've written them all, I want you to consider your list carefully. Now I want you to say out lour : "Jesus, You have enough power"
The desires of my heart, are to know the desires of my heart. To know what it is God seeks for me to be in this world. To know, Lord, whether you wish for me to be for you, and only you, or if you wish for my hear to be shared with a woman. I know my past is there, I know there's some ugly, dirty, scary, and ultimately, sad, things from my past. Moments that hurt, that brought pain, that may even still be with me, as surely as I speak to you now, Lord......Jesus, I've had a truly unique experience so far in this world, in this body, in this life that you've allowed me to live. There have been moments, people, places, emotions, things so profound to my life, to what and who I thought I was, to where I may have believed I've been going.
Lord, I ask you, reveal to me the desires of my heart. I am capable, intelligent, willing. What is it that you would have me do, so that with every breath I take, my will simply ceases to be, and your will takes over?
Jesus. YOU have the power. I pray in your name. All glory and praise to you, now and forever. Amen
I believe the story of the bible is the history, personality, and truth of the Lord, or, more specifically, the history, personality, and truth that the Lord wants us to become knowledgeable. We're told there are mysteries to God that are beyond comprehension, beyond my capacity to understand as I am now. I also believe the word written in the bible is the same truth, or simply another version of the same truth, that was known as the Son of God, Jesus Christ. I do, however, believe that though the bible is truth, it's truth is divinely-inspired, which, I believe, men could misrepresent....but as Jesus tells us, those with ears, let them hear. As it has become evident with all the congregations, interpretations, justifications, alterations, supplinations, the bible has seen many different versions of 'absolute' truth. But I believe through it all, consonants, vowels, syllables, syntax, God's truth REMAINS. It is there for those who truly seek.
I believe in the words of Christ. I believe that there are 11 commandments, not ten. For Jesus states the new commandment is to love your neighbor as you have loved yourself, as HE has loved me. In the truth of the ten commandments, we are told that thou shalt honor the Lord thy God, have no others before Him, keep his Sabbath holy, don't take his name in vain, honor mother and father, do not covet, do not MURDER (I consider killing to be different than murder), steal, commit adultry, or bear false witness. Other than the second commandment of God mentioning those who love him, it is not until Jesus that we're told the greatest commandment is to love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, thy strength, and thy soul, and that a SECOND commandment is to love all as Jesus loves us.
I believe the new commandments Jesus presents to us are not necessarily new, but are the commandments evolution (ironic) as Jesus rerepsents the evolution, the next step, the progression, the active, living, moving embodiment of God's love, not just God's law. If we were to be technical about it, the law has no place for love, for how can a law love? But with Jesus, as he is a being of pure light and pure love and well, pureness, because the law is of purity, it is itself, a part of Jesus. So in essence, as stated, Jesus' commandment for us to love one another as HE has loved us, this is the model of truth I pursue. The old commandments were for those who had no everlasting atonement; the new commandments being that for all those who would confess and believe in Christ..................does this mean I think the old 10 commandments, or any of Leviticus or Deuter should just get tossed aside and not studied? Of course NOT! Like Jeff Goldblum says in Jurassic Park
"You didn't earn the knowledge for yourselves, so you don't take any responsibility... for it. You stood on the shoulders of geniuses to accomplish something as fast as you could and before you even knew what you had you patented it and packaged it and slapped it on a plastic lunchbox, and now you're selling it!"
Granted, I'm not comparing dinosaurs to the bible here (calm yourselves, evangelical creationists ;-), I'm simply saying, all too often now, people wish to only focus on the Gospels of Jesus, or simply his word. But they are forgetting and neglecting the fact that as the word of God is Jesus is the Bible, so to, is the eventuality/evolution of the Lord's message, the Lord's word, for when his word wasn't enough, he SENT a LIVING word, in order that we may be healed and truth revealed. Again, does this mean I throw those old books of law to the wayside? No! Just as Passover reminds the Jewish people (and all of God's children) what happened so long ago when the Lord delivered HIS people, so to do the early books remind us of the ever-continuing expansive growth of God's love, and the ends to which He is willing to save us.
I believe we are saved by GRACE through FAITH. Nothing else. Not deeds, not works, not who we know, not the old lady we saved, not the helpful words we shared to a sobbing best friend, nothing. As a friend revealed to me in my early days of learning, the 'filthy rags' the bible refers to as our good works? The translation means menstrual rags. Go ahead, let that sink in. Good works in the eyes of good are nothing more than crusted vaginal blood on a piece of cloth. While I do believe that the Lord tells us there are many roles in his kingdom to be played, and that based on our works, it will determine our placement in his kingdom (which DOES NOT mean I believe some people get more love or less love from God in Heaven; He has roles for all of us AND infinite amounts of love to shower us all with). Do I know what our 'jobs' will be in Heaven? Heck no. Do I think that if I just do a bunch of things God says, like tithin or donating or wearing proper garments or saying the Holy Mary 7 times, do I think that these things are what saves me and gives me favor in His eye? Never. Do I think that if I do a bunch of those things because I love Him with all my heart, and believe that I am doing those things because He wants me to and I want to do them for Him? ABSOLUTELY.
Jesus Christ knew, before He ever left God's side, before existence existed, before creation was created, knew before He ever traveled to Earth, knew before He ever became a physical being, before he ever became a miraculous conception to a quiet little Nazarine girl, that one day, when he would be in his early 30's, that He would submit His life, His perfect, unshakable, wonderful life, for a young boy, some 2,000 years later, who was also partaking in a miraculous conception, so that when Timothy James Handley grew up, and ultimately saw there was no life outside of the one true well of life, Tim could submit himself to the Lord, just as Jesus did, so that he would stand blameless, as a friend, as a son, to the Almighty God, sovereign ruler above and over all, because Jesus so loved God, and God so loved Jesus, that he came so that all may find everlasting life in their belief.
I believe that these words tonight, that they were not my own, though they came from me. The Lord says worry not about what to say, for when the time comes, He'll provide us with the proper thing to say. I didn't set out to journal tonight. I didn't set out to make it to my online church service, which I've probably missed for over 3 months, ever since I walked back into drugs and lust, but here I am.
Just as last year, there I was, being revealed by the Holy Spirit the power of God....or a week later, when someone told me the wrong time by a half hour, leaving me to end up at a church where baptisms were going on.
God's got a plan for all of us....and like Neo, I'm beginning to believe....not just accept.
WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITH all that being said, onto 90 Days w/Jesus, Day 38.
Action Points-read Luke 8:42b-48
1.Describe what makes the lessons learned during long seasons of chronic difficulty unique from those that are learned in emergency situations.
I'm going to use a (hopefully) simple analogy of a young boxer, who is an up and coming prospect. He's 20-0, with a good 14 wins by K.O., and most of those knockouts coming before the 4th round. During those fights, he had some good exchanges, they were action-packed, and he even got knocked down a few times, but he still dusted himself off and won those fights.
Now though, now he's finally in line for a title shot. His only major concern, along with most commentators, critics, and experts, is the fact that this is a 12-round fight, and he's going in against the cagey veteran. A veteran who knows how to conserve his energy. A veteran who's been in these wars before, and doesn't freak out if he's touched the canvas, or been knocked down, a veteran who can lean on ya, use the ropes, all the little tricks that he's learned to make it through 12 rounds of battle.
If the young up and comer isn't careful, if he doesn't train enough, if he doesn't appreciate that all those 4 round fights he was having were in actuality preparing him for the 12 rounds, he's going to inevitibly panic when the going gets tough. When his punches no longer back his opponent up. When his timing seems to have been figured out. When he can't get out of the way of a combination that he's seen numerous times before. And so, when these things happen, he starts fighting more aggressive. Starts trying to exert more power. Forgets about patience, as patience is no longer a viture for him, since he doesn't see himself making the entire 12 rounds. So his restlessness, his youth, the simple fact of having never faced this type of situation, it can prove his downfall.
I realize I just used a sports analogy, but as I crack my fingers, I'm reminded of Paul, and his mentioning we need to run the race, focus on the prize. Don't panic if another runner is faster. Don't panic if another person's stride seems pitch-perfect. 50 people passed you right now? Whatever. Your race is being run to God. If he is your focus, nothing can alter or change or deter you from him....
2. Compare the difference between those who suffer bitterly and those who suffer well.
Okies.....it's actually quite a simple difference. When ya is all up in the Jesus, and the Holy Spirit is all up inside you, you're gonna smile at your captors. You're gonna wish your enemies a great day. You're gonna see that unknown, highly expensive phone bill and say "well, thank God I've been provided with a means to pay such a bill". Those who suffer well, suffer in unison with Christ, so, an asskicking to them is a badge of honor. If I'm beat down b/c I'm Christian, then all I can say is thanks, because I suffer with my Lord, who promises me salvation and redemption at the end of things.
One who suffers bitter suffers neverendingly. They become the dumping ground. The "why does this always happen to me?" crowd. The "will this never end," "what did I do to deserve this," "I can never get ahead." They believe they are somehow a part of the suffering. As if they are the underlying reason of their own misery, to which they believe so much, they can't see the simple truth around them-which is Jesus saying to take up his yolk, his burden is light, do not suffer needlessly. You will suffer in me, but your suffering is one part of the path to your salvation.
3. I'm giving you more room than usual, beloved, because I want you to identify your greatest need, the deepest desire of your heart. Write it down. Two or three? Write them all. Don't tell me how trivial they seem in comparison to what others are facing! Write them! Then after you've written them all, I want you to consider your list carefully. Now I want you to say out lour : "Jesus, You have enough power"
The desires of my heart, are to know the desires of my heart. To know what it is God seeks for me to be in this world. To know, Lord, whether you wish for me to be for you, and only you, or if you wish for my hear to be shared with a woman. I know my past is there, I know there's some ugly, dirty, scary, and ultimately, sad, things from my past. Moments that hurt, that brought pain, that may even still be with me, as surely as I speak to you now, Lord......Jesus, I've had a truly unique experience so far in this world, in this body, in this life that you've allowed me to live. There have been moments, people, places, emotions, things so profound to my life, to what and who I thought I was, to where I may have believed I've been going.
Lord, I ask you, reveal to me the desires of my heart. I am capable, intelligent, willing. What is it that you would have me do, so that with every breath I take, my will simply ceases to be, and your will takes over?
Jesus. YOU have the power. I pray in your name. All glory and praise to you, now and forever. Amen
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Lord, I don't know how to trust you
I see your words
because they stare at me
I read your instructions
because they are to be followed
your guidance
so my hand may be led
yet I feel no direction
I feel an inner and outer loss
these trials of loneliness
of having to engage despair
in my heart of combat
I'm told they prepare me for glory
can I be loved for me
instead of being loved
for what you aspire me to be
your majestic words
come from way above
to offer us a place in heaven
showered in blankets of your love
but I don't know how to trust you
because I don't know how to trust myself
and I don't know how to love you
because I don't know how to love myself
.....as you would have me do
....so what would you have me do?
because they stare at me
I read your instructions
because they are to be followed
your guidance
so my hand may be led
yet I feel no direction
I feel an inner and outer loss
these trials of loneliness
of having to engage despair
in my heart of combat
I'm told they prepare me for glory
can I be loved for me
instead of being loved
for what you aspire me to be
your majestic words
come from way above
to offer us a place in heaven
showered in blankets of your love
but I don't know how to trust you
because I don't know how to trust myself
and I don't know how to love you
because I don't know how to love myself
.....as you would have me do
....so what would you have me do?
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