So, I started my first official day today as Saturday was just orientation and filling out paperwork. I'd expected tonight to be somewhat slow as it's the 4th of July and most people would probably be out celebrating with families and watching fireworks displays.
I started off in the kitchen area, assembly area, where most of the food is prepped/cooked. It's on a line of about 20 feet, so there's a few different sections, with a few different employees working each section (i.e. cook, fry cook, etc.). The guys I worked with were friendly and funny, and the servers were also friendly as well, though the interaction was less between them.
But, with all that being said, there were a few things that made me feel uneasy, one moreso than the other. First, most of the staff used a decent amount of swearing. I don't mean just a shit or damnit or the like, but more like the F-bombs and like-minded words. What's worse is I found myself also dropping the f-bombs or like-minded words when joking around or talking, and I didn't like that. It's not how I speak anymore, and it's so easy to fall into when things are busy and everyone else is letting the language fly, that sometimes I tend to just not pay attention to myself and revert back to the old Tim.
The second, and more immediate issue, is how I felt treated with regards to a manager. From how it's been explained to me, there are 4 or 5 managers at this location. 2 for the kitchen/Back of House, one for the Servers/Front of House, one overall manager, and one general manager. The issue lies with the front of house manager.
You see, when I first went in a few weeks ago to pick up an application, as I was told they were hiring for everything, this was the manager who first met me, as they are the FOH manager. I can't say we really interviewed, but I can say we spoke for maybe less than 4 minutes. During that time, she'd informed me that I was too overqualified, adding that this is the slow season, and there wouldn't be many hours to begin with.
With respect, when you have someone who is the first person a potential employee would be meeting, when your company is advertising they are hiring, it doesn't exactly give a warm and welcome vibe when you're basically told you're too good to work for us, and we don't really have that many hours to give, and it's going to be really slow. I've hired individuals before, many times, and never would I look to tell someone who came in looking for a job that even though they know I'm offering, I'm gonna do everything I can to undersell that fact. It was as if they were attempting to say "I'm not interested in you". So with that, I'd dropped off my application and resume.
Around a week later, I'd called to speak with this manager again, as theirs was the only name I knew at the time. When we spoke, I was informed that I wasn't being considered for server, but that my application had been given to the BOH/kitchen manager to review. Even though I'd informed this manager that I'd had the least amount of experience as a cook, and more experience in every other position. This should have been my second clue that this person was not interested in hiring me.
A few days after that, I'd finally managed to get the BOH manager on the phone, and they'd agreed to interview me. However; when we met, and I introduced myself, they informed me they'd never heard from me nor did they remember getting my application and resume. So we interviewed, and I was told it would be passed on the GM for a second interview, whereupon I was hired by the GM.
Today, being my first official full day, as I was picking up a work shirt so I could change, the original manager who I felt was not interested in me whatsoever saw me and had this look of.....I dunno, I can't explain the look really. But you know what I mean when a person has that look on their face like "oh. you're here." or something similar? That was the look I'd felt from this manager.
Flash forward to the shift. I was enjoying the new coworkers I'd had, who were all in the kitchen on the line, and they were showing me things, explaining what to do and not to do, explaining how to make this that et cetera. Things were going fine.
Now, as it happens, we started getting heavy rainfall tonight, so there was a decent crowd of people who showed up and so things got hectic and busy. Because there was so much involved in the prep process, from checking the ticket, to making sure it's american and not provolone, or things of that like, the person who was training me was fine with me sort of standing back, watching how the process works when they're busy, and was having me take care of little things here and there when I was asked to.
As I said, we had gotten our rush, and were running behind on plate times (from the time the ticket comes in to the plate going out) by around 7-10 minutes. To have a trainee set on a line when you're running 10 minutes behind and double checking them would have led to an even greater slow down. So, at this point, here comes the FOH/server manager (who is in charge of the servers and not the kitchen), comes over to the person training me and says, with a really condescending demeanor "I just don't see how Tim's going to learn anything by standing there."
Prior to that statement, the trainer and I had talked about what it's like to work there, how we got the job, who's friendly and whathaveyou. I told them how my application process seemed to take a while, and they knew exactly how I felt, and had said it taken them a while too. But, when the FOH came up to them and made that comment, they turned around, and in a half-joking, half-serious manner said "you're not the kitchen manager and not in charge of how I train him. This isn't even your section. We got busy and I told Tim to stand back for a while and just help with the small stuff, but observe what we're all doing at the same time. Besides, you only seem to come by and notice Tim standing right after he's actually done something for me." All of this was said in the semi-relaxed, loud witty banter manner that you find in a kitchen, but the point was made and made rightly-the FOH is in charge of the servers, NOT of the kitchen.
The best way I can liken it is if I work in a construction company, I may be an engineering supervisor and may hold a higher title and know policies and procedures, but it's not any of my concern nor my repsonsibility to go check up on the construction department and seeing how they are training the installers. While the FOH is indeed a manager, and would by default be a superior, they are not immediately responsible for the goings-on of a department that is not theirs. Also, considering the fact that there was not only a trainer training me, but the 2nd kitchen manager was on shift, on the grill, next to me, and had not a single moment of issue with my observing how things are and helping when needed. So what prerogitive did it serve to have such a perjorative manner with me?
No less than I'd say 10, maaaybe 15 minutes went by, when the FOH manager hollered to my trainer that I could go. As I was walking towards the timeclock to punch-out, the FOH is standing there, and with basically what I can only describe as a stone face of emotion says "so when are you coming back?", really condescendingly. I politely told them I was only informed to show up today at 4, and had no idea when I was supposed to be back. It was at that time the manager, not the gm, but the manager, said to come back tomorrow at 4.
I enjoyed everything about the job today and felt like I could do it, and have fun with it, if I was given a good solid week of training, and not just dropped into something. I believe that I have capable people who are willing to train me, and I get along with them well. Yet it was this single person, who holds a position of power over me, that left me feeling upset inside, along with feelings of unwelcomeness and the potential for my being singled out about anything, regardless of what that thing may be.
Y'know, I'd been offered a position at Cracker Barrel, which would have paid more as well, all pending a background check. I was offered this position background check free, and just told to come in the next day and that I was hired. I didn't want to jump at the Cracker Barrel job, for fear of just going after the dollar, and serving the master of money instead of working a position that I would enjoy, where I could grow and be fruitful.
And while Santa Fe may seem to fit my personality so well, part of me wonders if it's the personality or person from my past it fits so well, and not the person who I am now. I believed that maybe the Cracker Barrel job wasn't where I was supposed to be, and Santa Fe was, due to the seeming enthusiasm from the GM when they interviewed me and gave me the feeling of being appreciated and welcomed.
Yet here I am now, the end of my first day of work, with what was supposed to be a happy and fun experience, and I feel sad inside. I will pray again to Father tonight about the situation, and ask Him to take such feelings of anxiety, fear, an apprehension from my heart, as I prayed to Him on the way home.
But I cannot ignore my feelings. For so long, it's all I did. Deny what I felt inside and look for the easy way out or ignoring those feelings. God has graced my heart to know I can come to Him with anything, and so this really is something I lay at His feet.
So many times, have I always said "welp, right now, this moment, this place, this experience, this emotion. this is exactly where you are supposed to be, what you are supposed to be, and how you are supposed to be", and I accepted that logic. Yet, I've come to realize that not everything in our lives are what God chose for us, are the paths He laid out beneath us so that we may walk in His ways.
All I'm left feeling tonight, right now, is this honest emotion-God, did I make a mistake, and choose from myself or from you?
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